Those Sleepless Nights
by Smutyaoifan
Summary: Contest Fic. Theme Redemption. Simon can't find sleep, since every night he is plagued with nightmares of his mistake. If only he could make it better. SimonxKamina. Yaoi. Lemon. One-shot.


AN: This was a contest fic on Aarinfantasy (links at the bottom) with the theme 'Redemption'. Alright, I actually despise this, just to let you know. D: It's cheesy, repetitive, rushed a bit at the end, and kind of 'wtf'. Well, whatever. I hope you enjoy it anyway. Oh and it's set during the time span of when Simon is commander-in-chief of Kamina City if you can't tell. And it was hard to factor the whole 'well kamina's DEAD' so just play along with my nonsense. :D Oh and I don't even like this pairing, since I prefer Simon as the uke xD but whatever. Whatever gets you points….

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGGAN! D: Silly peoples, I'm just a stupid girl with no life....

Warnings: SMEX between two boys, aka yaoi, if you don't like it why the fuck are you reading this in the the first place. I will not accept flames according to that. Or maybe i should just laugh at them. Anyway, there is some swearing? I think....Can't remember. Don't think so though. Could you count this as necrophilia? O__o

Beta'd by the lovely TotallyObsessive which is a nice change of events since I'm usually her beta.

Pairing: SimonxKamina

Link: hxxp: // aarinfantasy .com/ forum/ fiction/ showentry .php ?e=105189 (close up the spaces)

---- ----

_It was raining. There was a scream(screams?). Who it was that was screaming, he couldn't tell. No, that's not it. It was _him_, him screaming with his pale as death fists practically drilling themselves into the soggy ground below. Drilling, (snicker) how much of a pun. He would have loved it. He would have, if HE were here. No, he wasn't here, was he? And just who's fault was it? That's right, it was _him_, he himself was at fault for the destruction of a perfect and beautiful life. There had been so much potential! No no no, not anymore, no it was finished. He realized that quickly as those fists pressed into the soil, his nails almost black now with dirt—but that didn't matter. He couldn't even feel his fists anymore, much less feel _anything _besides anguish, rage, sorrow, and –most of all- guilt. Guilt, oh so much guilt. Guilt guilt guilt guilt guilt-_

_(IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT)_

A gasp. Simon found himself sitting straight up in his bed, body heaving slowly with each pant and bead of sweat that rolled down his forehead. A dream. _Again. _The same one that kept returning to him night after night, it being almost as consistent as the moon itself. A hand reached up over his face to wipe the sweat(fears) away. The man looked at the flea-market little clock on the dresser.

"Two a.m….ah man…"

He fell back onto the bed with a soft thud. A sigh escaped his lips, one that was frustrated, aggravated, and sorrowful at the same time. If that was possible, that is.

For the past week or more, Simon, the _great _Simon had been having a reoccurring nightmare. It was a dramatic scene, the time where he lost the one person he loved more than any substance, object, or person in this world. The _one _person that, well, just made him feel the way he did. But that all ended in one single fight, one single battle that was the mistake of said great Simon. Or so he'd like to think. Of course, everyone around him had profusely argued against his claims, spewing out such bullshit as 'There was nothing you could have done' or 'He die-…. moved on on his own accord, it had nothing to do with you'. But he saw through the lies and the sugarcoated comforts that everyone tried to give him. He knew how much at wrong he had been. If only….If only he had been quicker, stronger, _braver_! Oh if only he could have been braver like his dear sweet Aniki.

"Aniki…"

Simon trailed it off, the name painful when said by himself more than anyone. He sighed once more, figuring these dreams were some sort of punishment for his wrongs. Trying to get comfortable, the blue-haired man prepared himself for another long, long night of insomnia.

---- ----

"Simon! Oi, SIMON!"

His dark blue eyes soon came into focus, as did his mind, as he tried to figure out just what he had missed in his 'space-out' time. Blinking a few times, he looked at the person in front of him who just happened to be Gimmy seeming very frustrated. The man let a small smile grace his lips as he lifelessly gave an apologetic response.

"Oh, yes, sorry, what were you saying again?"

The younger boy rolled his eyes as he mouthed a silent groan. Stroking the side of his head quickly, he kept up a slightly annoyed tone as he dealt with his friend.

"Simon, what is up with you! You've been like this all week, just a silent nonchalant wreck!" he calmed down a bit, this time seeming more concerned. "I'm worried about you Simon." Simon looked away. "We're _all _worried about you! It's almost as if you have reverted back to your depressive days after Kamina died."

The man continued to avert his gaze, not wanting to hear this. He felt guilty for troubling his friends, so he hated hearing that they were concerned for him. The silence continued, but Gimmy gave in soon enough.

"You know, maybe you have reverted to that state." There was a flicker in Simon's eyes. "Have you? Because I think that you're moping about over something that happened so far in the past. (1)" He frowned, thinking over his words. "Which brings me to this, what makes now so special that all that has had to be brought up once again?"

Simon thought about it, and his friend was right. Why now? What miraculous and angst-filled circumstance has happened to send him through nights and nights of painful flashbacks? It didn't make any sense.

_It started when….It started that night he had gone to bed for the first time with Nia. As two mature adults, they felt ready to have sex. And, as Simon thrust into the 'woman he loved' and exchanged moans and cries of all kinds, he felt something odd. And that something was that he didn't feel anything. No passion, no fire, no nothing. That wasn't how it was supposed to be, and Simon knew that even though it had been his first time. He supposed that Nia had known this as well when afterwards he had saw the lonely look in those pink flowered irises. _

_Something was so wrong with all this._

---- ----

Begrudgingly, the commander-in-chief stumbled into his room, ready for a restless eight hours of nothing. Slowly undoing his shirt, Simon caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror beside his dresser. Frowning, he moved closer, and inspected himself. Pondering something for a few minutes, he tried putting on a huge cheesy looking grin. Maybe if the hair was spikier, the eyebrows placed a bit higher, and the eyes more confidant… Suddenly, the man stopped himself. Just what exactly was he trying to accomplish here? Just what good would it do to fantasize the image in the mirror being something—_someone _that it wasn't? Just what satisfaction would he achieve? Simon didn't know, and seemingly he didn't know a lot of things lately. Not even bothering to finish undressing, the blunette plopped himself onto the bed, almost belly-flopping in a way. A thought was racing through his troubled head like a bee in a hive. Why is it that even the thought of Kamina's image made a spark fly through his body? The same spark in fact that he had clearly missed during his and Nia's love(?)making. Could he have….?

No, that was too weird. It just was, wasn't it? And as the sleep slowly started to crawl up on him like a persistent spider of some sorts, the thought dissipated.

---- ----

His eyes were open, searching, searching for a clear and reasonable thought to come across him in his wobbly state. And as the surroundings soon came into view, it struck him. Where was he? This wasn't his bed, and this wasn't the stormy and scream-filled battleground. Was it a dream? No. Was he awake? It didn't seem like it either. But, that obviously didn't make any sense.

The view before his eyes was that of peaceful darkness. Peaceful darkness? The words were confusing to him too, but that was just the only way to put it. He put his foot out to take a step, but hesitated. Simon didn't know the consequences that there could be for doing anything in this place, area, world-thing. But, the man soon shrugged it off and placed his foot down. It was solid, but he couldn't describe the base or material below. It wasn't anything recognizable or significant, it was just solid; a solid plain base, nothing more and nothing less. But somehow in the midst of all this, the man felt a familiar tingle. He couldn't' describe it, but the place just made him feel nostalgic, and slightly comfortable. Almost like he belonged here.

"Oi, Simon."

His eyes flew open in a state of momentary hysteria. That voice. That voice, that voice oh that voice.

(Turn around)

He couldn't, his feat were now stuck to this nameless ground. Was it some effect of this strange area? No, that would just have been an excuse. Simon just didn't want to turn around, to hope for something that might just be a joke. His eyes clenched tight, as did his fists, his mind begging him to turn while his body refused.

"What, you don't like me anymore?"

_(TURN AROUND!!!)_

And he did. Simon spun around at such a force that he almost tripped and fell flat on his face, an embarrassing ordeal that would have haunted him for ages. Once more he flung his eyes open, and sure enough, standing a few feet away was the older man….no, no Simon was older now, well, the man that had actually haunted him for ages. But wasn't this a dream? That familiar smirk-like-grin, those exuberant eyes, that straightforward pose.

(Don't fool yourself Simon)

But he let all reason go, just for this one moment, and just for this one moment he allowed himself to feel happier than he had in years.

"Aniki…"

There was recognition in the other man's eyes when that simple word was spoken. He smiled and raised his hand up as if saying 'hey, what's up?'. Simon thought it was cute.

(Cute?)

"Well, I don't know if you can really call me Aniki anymore, can you?"

Soon, unconsciously, his feet began to move. The man didn't know when they had, he just started to realize it once they sped up and he found himself leaping towards that dear, dear man. They connected with a big 'smack', and Kamina thought he would've fallen over if not for the few seconds that he braced himself. Wrapping his arms tightly around his friend, he tried as hard as he could not to squeeze the life out of him. If he had any life anyway. That thought brought him back to reality as he blinked a few times before separating from the exasperated blunette.

"Wait, Aniki, what is this place? How are you here? Is this even real, or maybe I'm dreaming, that has to be it because you died I remember you died it was all my fault and I-"

Before he could finish (if ever) his speedy rant, Kamina grabbed him by both arms in order to stop the madness.

"Woah woah, take a few breaths before I clear up a few questions." He paused, waiting for the other one to calm himself down. "Now, let me just say that this is all very strange and weird to me as well. But, the only thing I can explain is that somewhere, wherever I was, I could tell you were suffering." Simon looked down, as if in shame. Kamina picked up on that. "And for whatever it is, as your Aniki I really can't let that continue."

The commander shuffled his feet, trying avoid eye-contact as he eventually came up with a response.

"I…Well it's just this, I've been having these dream you see. About the night…" He paused looking up at him or a split second before returning his gaze to a very interesting non-existent spot on the ground. "Well you know, and I just can't help but think, but _know _that in the end it was all my fault!" his breath grew faster every second, his voice speeding up as well. "I mean, I could've at least done something! I was so useless and and so unhelpful I just-"

He stopped himself, since he knew that Kamina would simply stop him anyway. His eyes gazed up to the much redder ones and longed for a response. Maybe the man would agree with him, say 'yes, it was all your fault, but what good is it now?' or something comforting like that. Yes, to Simon something like that was the most comforting thing he could expect and hope for. But his 'Aniki' simply stared at him with an expression he couldn't describe.

"Simon…Do you really think that? Is that what's been bugging you this whole time?"

Simon was a bit surprised; he had never heard this type of emotion in his brother's voice. It almost made him want to hug him, to comfort him and make all the bad things go away. But he remembered that he was the one being comforted, not Kamina. Heaving with a sigh, Kamina put a hand on his shoulder, a now confident and happier expression placed on his face.

"Hey, how could you think that it was your fault? Don't you know that what I did was for you?" He grinned, making Simon's hands go clammy. "You, Yoko, and everyone! It was meant to be, so stop whining and realize that none of it was anyone's fault."

For some reason, Simon knew that he had heard this same story from everyone else, but somehow, when It came out of his brother's mouth it was a whole new experience. He felt relieved, like a weight had been lifted off of his back, and he just barely stopped himself from crying like a little baby. Placing his own hand on the one seated on his shoulder, Simon felt something weird.

(A spark?)

It was strange, almost like just touching skin with the other one sent him through a wave of heat. Kamina noticed the sudden new feeling, but didn't know how to place it. He cocked his head to the side, peering at the blunette.

"Simon? You okay?" He noticed the hand, and grinned a bit. "You can let go of me now."

But, out of the blue, Simon decided to move Kamina's hand to his own cheek, feeling the sensation spark up even more. This made the man feel a bit uneasy, pulling only slightly at the moved hand.

"Hey hey, c'mon, what's up with you?"

Simon knew. Simon knew that this was the feeling he was supposed to feel with Nia. Not waiting any longer, the man let go of the hand and moved closer. So close he could feel the hitched breath of the man in front of him. Gazing at the unsure eyes, Simon made his move and placed his lips on Kamina's.

(So soft…)

Kamina was frozen. He was too unsure and confused to move an inch. He couldn't even bring himself to blink. Simon pressed further, relishing the taste of his dead man's lips. A wave of heat washed over Kamina before he raised his hands and quickly pushed the other man away from him. The other blunette was a bit startled from the sudden move, and looked almost disappointed. Near to damn panting, the red-eyed man stared at Simon with an uncomfortable stretch of silence before getting the nerve to say something.

"You…Simon you just...!"

But there was no uncertainty or regret in his 'little brother''s eyes. No, they were filled with a deep passion that sent goose bumps up his arms. This wasn't the cute little boy he was used to, no, not the wobbly frightened little tyke who always looked up to him before doing or even saying anything. This was man now, a man who was making Kamina feel as if he was that very frightened little tyke. Not wasting another second, Simon made another move and suddenly wrapped an arm around the man. Simon gazed at him longingly, head slightly tilted to the side.

"Aniki… I know I'm being so sudden, so different, but—but I feel something for you that I never did before, and I know that I will never get this chance again." Kamina could swear he saw the man staring at his lips like they were candy. "I want to hold you, to kiss you, to…"

He trailed off, knowing his brother would get the jest of it. For one thing, the other man had no idea what to think about all this. All of this was way too sudden for his liking, but as he saw the loneliness in the other's eyes he couldn't bring himself to shoot him down. Biting his lip, he looked at the side, crimson staining his cheeks in a very uncharacteristic manner. A lot of things seemed uncharacteristic right now.

"Well…I suppose. But only a kiss!" He looked back, eyes defiant. "And that's it Simon, I mean it, kay?"

Simon looked like he received a present, eyes lit with unexpected joy. He smiled, his face seeming a bit more like the Simon that Kamina knew well, before turning to a devious and lust filled state. Another wave of goose bumps arose, and for some reason he could not place he felt heat in his groin area. This wasn't like himself at all! Kamina was usually in control, usually the confident one. But the way that things were going…

Simon moved his face closer and closer to Kamina's, just like he did before, but smashed his lips against the others in a more forceful way. This surprised the man a bit, as he gave a bit of a 'yelp' before blushing at how unmanly that was. And then he mentally smacked himself since blushing was yet another unmanly thing as well. Not hesitating, Simon deepened the kiss by pushing his tongue through the little space he was given. Now he found he could taste his brother much more and found it tasted a bit like sweat, apples, and just plain Kamina. The man had a taste all his own. A gasp found its way up the commander's throat, and he couldn't bring himself to pull away until he had explored each and every inch of his brother's mouth. It was so weird, just a year ago Simon couldn't have even imagined himself doing this, being this forceful. But things had definitely changed. And now Kamina's own tongue was struggling for dominance. Dominance he was surely not going to receive.

After a long battle of tongues, Simon broke them apart and wasted no second before applying his cast out tongue on the red-eyed man's neck. Kamina felt that he was given no time to think, much less breath, while panting heavily. But, in the midst of his new neck bath, he could only think of how proud he was of Simon. Yes, he knew how strange that sounded, but this new confident and much more assertive Simon was something he was so proud of. The result of it of course was a different story. But his thoughts came to an abrupt end when a moan escaped his lips from Simon's newly placed hand on his crotch. In the midst of this, he could hear a chuckle from the man.

"So cute…"

This startled Kamina. Cute? Since when was he cute? The position of big brother was quickly coming to an end. Kamina's breath hitched once Simon's lust-filled eyes rose up to meet his own.

"Aniki…help me take your clothes and mine off."

Kamina gave a weak chuckle.

"Whatever happened to just a kiss? Eh, Simon?"

Simon then gave a rather mischievous smile of 'apology' before grabbing the hem of Kamina's cape and in an instant ripping it off. The man gave a rather loud whine of outrage.

"That was special!"

"You're a dead man, who cares."

This sent a frown to Kamina's forehead, but it was quickly cast off once Simon fumbled with said dead man's pants. Giving a sigh of defeat, he got himself around to helping the other out and grimaced when he heard the 'plop' of his pants hitting the ground. Simon smiled with a loud gasp.

"Wow Aniki! You're so big!"

A surge of pride hit Kamina, knowing that at least he held this over the new dominant Simon.

"Well Simon, it's only natural as your Aniki…"

He then felt more of a dominant streak in him and so he went forth the undo Simon's own pants. But when they hit the floor as well, all the color drained from his face with the realization that…that…

(HE WAS _SO _BIG!)

Oh dear, so much bigger than himself. Not wanting to slip up, Kamina coughed a bit before looking away.

"It's alright, I suppose."

This earned a smirk from a very knowing Simon who then didn't even bother taking his shirt and coat off before placing a hand over Kamina's manhood. The blunette shivered, unable to keep down the moan that was now sounded out. Simon soon wrapped his entire hand around it, fingers squeezing just enough so that it was too tight. Another gasp was let out from Kamina, who's fingers found their way to Simon's ruffled and much darker blue hair. The commander-in-chief slowly moved his hand up and down the creamy tan length, moving faster and faster as he went. The fingers in his hair became more forceful, clutching the strands as if they were clutching for dear life. Kamina pressed his forehead against Simon's, needing support as the hand that was now pumping his dick had moved to a rapid pace. His breaths grew more hitched and as the beads of sweat rolled down his head, chest, and most of his entire body, he didn't think he could hold it in any longer. Simon sensed this and paused the motion, taking his now sticky hand off a still unsatisfied Kamina. The man's eyes were pleading, but Simon simply shook his head.

"No, not yet. Not without me."

Kamina groaned, his needs overcoming the other's, so he slid one hand down to relieve himself before the wrist was snatched up. Simon gave him a look that was very similar to a teacher's look when they caught a student cheating. This made Kamina whine before being a finger was placed on his wet lips.

"Lay down."

Rolling his eyes, the blunette gave in and slowly moved down towards the ground before laying down flat on his back, his head moved up a bit so he could see what was going on. He moved a hand over his forehead, almost smacking it.

"This is not exactly what I was expecting when I came to comfort you, Simon."

Simon let out a slight giggle.

"But Aniki, we'll finally become one, just like you always preached."

This arose new thoughts to Kamina's head, his eyebrows now raised.

"Actually…That makes some sense…"

Simon rolled his eyes and then placed both hands on the outer side of his brother's legs. The skin of the other man was quite slippery due to the various fluids, as obvious, that he almost dropped the legs as he tried to heave them up over his shoulders. They were a bit heavy, due to the fact that Kamina was almost his height, but Simon held up. Pulling up his right sleeve, he placed two fingers in front of the man's mouth, motioning him towards them.

"Sorry Aniki, you're gonna have to suck them, I don't have any lube."

Once again, this earned a groan as Kamina knew the pain that would was soon to come. Maning it up, he hesitantly placed his mouth over the fingers, sucking on them slowly. His saliva encompassing them, he tried not to let an inch of skin remain dry. Without warning, Simon pulled them out. Kamina saw that the other man's breath was just as rapid as his; probably more than turned on by the previous display, and he smirked on the inside. So he really was just that sexy, wasn't he?

Simon dragged his fingers down the man's body till he came to the sweet spot, then stuck them in just slightly enough so that the blunette would get used to it. This earned first a whimper that turned into a yelp when Simon pushed them all the way through.

"Aiyaaa! Simon! Damnit, that hurts!"

This made the commander worry, and he quickly began apologizing.

"Ah! S-sorry Aniki! Does it really hurt?!"

Kamina sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Just get it over with and quit apologizing, you're a man, aren't you?"

This earned a frown from Simon, who then added a finger oh so suddenly. Kamina was about to retort back to him before a rush of pleasure overcame him. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he let out a long and deep moan.

"Ohh god, yes, Simon, that's the spot."

The man smiled, he had never had the chance to make his own Aniki feel like this. It felt amazing and arousing at the same time. Licking his lips slightly, Simon tried stretching out the skin a bit before removing his fingers.

"Alright Aniki, are you ready?"

Kamina gulped, his eyes not able to connect with Simon's. After a little while, he turned back to him with a forced cheese-filled grin plastered on his face.

"Of course I am! Give me what you got, Simon!"

The blunette smiled again, and positioned himself cautiously. Blue eyes darted back and forth to red ones, waiting for the right moment to make his move. Sensing the time was right, Simon carefully pushed only the head in, letting his brother get used to it once again. There was a slight sound that emitted from the man, but he obviously tried to cover it up in a second. The only thing he could tell was the shaking fists and ever-so-slightly bulging eyes. Then, just then, he moved farther in and Kamina couldn't hold back anymore. His right hand reached out and clawed Simon's back, searching for all the support he could get, which made the seme wince in slight pain. A small tear that was barely noticeable trickled out of one crimson eye, and Kamina let out a gentle scream, if screams could be gentle. Not waiting, however, Simon moved himself all the way in which made his brother howl almost like a wolf. But, Simon knew it would get better soon.

"J-just hold on…aniki."

A trickle of blood could be seen sprouting from between those two creamy tan legs, but the man ignored that as he moved out and in the second time. This time he hit Kamina's spot, and the man was overcome with a fit of spasms. The clawed hand on Simon's back dug it's nails in deeper, so that a similar 'trickle of blood' was now present for both.

"AH! Damn yes SIMON!"

Simon pushed in again, and again, and again in a similar pattern that quickly sped up after each thrust. Kamina was practically crying out tearless, half in pain and half in pure ecstasy. The feeling was on he had never felt before, no, it beat just about every sensation he had felt in his life. Previous life. And of course, the other man who was now thrusting in at full speed felt the pleasure he had missed when doing the same action he had committed with Nia. How sad, to be feeling more pleasure with his 'brother' than his wife. But, none of this mattered to Simon in his blissful state. The only things that mattered were Kamina and fucking Kamina.

But Kamina couldn't hold back any longer, as he felt himself reaching his climax. He tried speaking, but the words came out in mere syllables in between pants and moans.

"Ah (moan) ah Si…mo….(moan) gun…ah…co…com-ah!!"

But Simon could understand his words perfectly, without him even needing to open his mouth, for he too was reaching the end. Grabbing on tighter to the man's legs, he bit his lip at the full speed of pressure waiting to explode in his lower area.

"An…Aniki..I…Im…"

Before he could finish, Kamina spilled out onto Simon's chest, and the other man followed shortly after, both accompanied by a pleasurable scream. There were no words, neither of them made a move, all they could do was stare at each other and pant heavily, the breath knocked out of them at full force. After a few moments of this, Simon dropped Kamina's legs and lowered himself so that he was only inches away from his face. Moving his hand up, he started to caress the other man's face as he felt more content than he had ever been before.

"Kamina….I…"

The man beneath him, eyes half lidded, smiled.

"I know."

---- ----

"I lo-"

Eyes were open. Staring at a ceiling. There was no smiling face, no half-lidded eyes, no panting breath. Nothing. Simon started to panic, his heart beat moving at a rapid pace. This wasn't happening this wasn't happening this wasn't-

(But you knew it would end like this)

Yes, he knew from the moment he let eyes on that beautiful face, he knew it was all too good to be true. Simon's hands shook; he felt his whole world collapsing over one silly little dream. He buried his face in those shaking hands, about to let out a cry when he found a certain pain in his back.

(What?)

Confused, the man leapt up from his bed and found there were red spots on the once pure white sheets. Taking off his shirt, he walked over the mirror and turned around, but what he saw made everything inside of him leap.

Scratch marks.

(It's not over yet)

---- ----

1. Okay so I'm putting an end note here since my Beta couldn't understand the grammar of this till I explained it. Its basically like 'you're moping about over something that happened so far in the past.' Is a combination of 'he went moping about and around' with 'he was sad over something that happened so far in the past'. Aiyaa sorry if it's confusing. x__x


End file.
